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"Why Vampires Suck?"

Vampires are naturally nocturnal.
Vampires don't have different supernatural abilities.
Vampires don't sparkle under the sun, they burn.
Vampires don't protect human beings.
Vampires don't fall in love with their foods.
Vampires don't keep their virginities for hundreds of years.
If these are how vampires are now then they truly SUCK!



I used to love vampires until movies, TV series and novels like Underworld, Dracula 3000, I am Legend (the remake), Twilight, Vampire Diaries and True Blood were released. I would say ESPECIALLY Twilight because without it's existance, film-makers wouldn't be inspired to come up with Vampire Diaries and True Blood.

For my faithful readers, I believe you all should know how much I despise Twilight by now after reading five entries on the topic (here, here, here, here and here). All the modern rubbish spinoffs and vampire-related films and novels have changed everything that's cool about vampires. People would never see vampires the same way again. Even I, myself, would never look at vampires in the same perspective.

If you've read or seen Bram Stoker's Dracula, you'd comprehend what I mean. Vampire stories are supposed to be dark, gothic and sophisticated. Thanks to the money and simple-minded film-makers and writers, vampires would ever never be the same again. Even the Castlevania video game series are beginning to suck.

There were only a few vampire movies that I truly enjoyed. All of the faithful 'Dracula' adaptations, 'Last Man Standing' (adapted from the original I am Legend novel) and 'From Dusk to Dawn' are absolutely the best out of all of them. Those were the ones that really gave me the chills and truly represents how vampires should be. But now... whatever vampire I see on screen these days just simple sucks.

All of the Underworld installments sucked, Dracula 3000 was just too low budgeted and lame, I am Legend was unfaithful to the book and poorly executed, True Blood is merely soft porn to me, I didn't even bother watching Vampire Diaries at all, and Twilight is just gay. Sorry that I have to use the term 'gay' again for I cannot think of any other one-word description for this. And I don't even wanna start with it. As mentioned, I actually have FIVE posts to express my hatred towards this pathetic "saga". If you're a female Twilight-fan, I'm sorry, all I would want from you is sex. If you're a male Twilight fan, I'd give you one tight slap.

With all the Twilight parodies emerging on YouTube, I knew a full-length one on big screen would be imminent. Vampires Suck is set to be released in cinemas on the 26th of August.


Damn, I think even this spoof might suck. But I'd rather watch this than any other recent vampire movies or series.

This is a Nuffnang Premiere Screening contest entry. Please click here to read the movie review on Vampires Suck.
3 comments:
  1. wow this is awful but I must watch it -____-

    ReplyDelete
  2. LOL I AGREE WITH YOUR LAST SENTENCE

    ReplyDelete

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