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Immortals

immortals movie poster film review 2011

Rated: 18
Genre: Fantasy, action adventure
Running Time: 1 Hour 50 Minutes
Director: Tarsem Singh
Cast: Henry Cavill, Mickey Rourke, Luke Evans, Isabel Lucas, Freida Pinto
Synopsis: "A purported bastard who retains an allegiance to his mother despite the fact that he longs to join the quest of a king who is battling demons in ancient Greece later embarks on a grail of discovery that has him finding he is the king's son and also fated to become his country's greatest hero as he leads the successful war against longimprisoned Titans who are hoping to use the demons to restore their power" (Nusantara Edaran Films).

Verdict: If you liked 300, watch it again instead going for this utter rubbish. No, wait. You know what, even if you hated 300, watch it again instead of this also. Immortals is horribly written with a stupid plot, accompanied by plenty of unnecessary gore, weak leading performance by Henry Cavill, and ugly costume designs. The only thing I'm pleased from watching this crap is seeing the great veteran actor John Hurt still healthy and well. He plays the human disguise of Zeus (Luke Evans). If Zack Snyder was the director, I believe the film would not have turned out as badly. Tarsem Singh tried his best to imitate his techniques but it's only as great as any copycat could had done it.

Explanation please? I don't know nuts about Greek mythology and I bet I'm not the only one. The fuckin' movie leaves many things unexplained. Either that or they are mere plotholes. Why are the Epirus Bow and the Titans left in the human realm? Not to mention, ALIVE. What were the gods thinking? Leave them there so that if they escaped, humans would be in danger instead of heaven? Nonsense.

Useless dumb horny oracle, [SPOILER BEGINS HERE] First of all, why the fuck does she, Phaedra (Freida Pinto), still pray when it should be quite clear to her that gods do not respond to them? If the damned slut didn't advice Theseus (Henry Cavill) to go bury her dead mum, nobody would had found the damn bow. Then the smart bitch go and loses her precious virginity and her gift before the whole god damn thing ends. I said GOD damn. Ha-ha-ha. Sorry [SPOILER ENDS HERE].

Least favourite scene/ the ending: [SPOILER BEGINS HERE] I shall not start on how villains let the protagonists recover instead of killing them right away when the chance presents itself. I shall not complain how villains, when they have a godly weapon in their hands, they don't blast it at the good guys until they are all dead. I shall not say that the fight between the five gods and the Titans is like Power Rangers versus the Ooze-lings. I shall not wonder how the fuck Hyperion (Mickey Rourke) knows where to find the Titans but not the Epirus Bow. I shall not question the gods for not taking back the bow back home when the villain is looking for it. I shall insult the Titans for not knowing how to jump out of the freakin' cave after being able to KILL GODS [SPOILER ENDS HERE].

Malaysian censorship & subtitles: DO NOT WATCH IT AT LOCAL CINEMAS. It is heavily censored and there are subtitle mistranslations. On second thought, just don't watch it at all.

Rating: 0.5 / 5

Second opinion: "So violent! I closed my eyes at some of the scenes!" (Iris Loong).


Courtesy of Nuffnang, I've seen the film before 11.11.11, its official release date.
21 comments:
  1. lol! i like the way you explain the oracle :) .. well to each his own, i kind of enjoyed the dismemberment of the titans

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  2. I have to agree with Isaac. That is the best thing I liked in the movie, dismemberment :D

    #epirusbow kelefeh like shit

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  3. haha..wow!!..im thinking twice about weather or not to go watch it!

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  4. I wish to see THOR land inside this movie and mindfuck KING "HYPERION" LOL

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  5. OMG this is an awesome review! i couldn't have said it better.. i was thinking the same thing about the power rangers thingy.. and i don't know why they had to change the whole greek myth altogether and make up a stupid made-up version of the whole thing.. i am going to rant in my review but i am not going to do waste my sleep by doing it tonight.. this movie suck balls!!

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  6. the worst God battle I have seen in my entire life and yeah... FFFF the censorship! :(

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  7. wah.. seriously? should be like clash of the titans then.. ok.. will probably give it a pass.. lol :P

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  8. Screw censorship..it makes ppl more curious to watch only...so just gonna download and watch..haha

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  9. Seem like a nice movie from the poster itself haha so i guess im not gonna watch it :P

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  10. Its not my kind of movie as like you, I do not know nuts about Greek mythology, any why its your honest opinion you have stated.

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  11. C'mon. Don't believe everything u read. Tony Teh is clearly an idiot who most probably have a horrible taste in movies, along the lines of twighlight maybe. Its a great movie. Read up on some Greek mythology will ya Tony. Obviously they are gonna have sequel, hence the hangging ending. Sad that typical narrow minded ppl have a say nowadays. And being a typiical critic who can't take one, I bet you'll prolly delete this ;)

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  12. I envy you then. Since you can take such a shit and eat it delightfully. Please come back with more criticisms on me when you learn how to spell. And please comment with your genuine Google account if you dare, CW. =)

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  13. i agree with you about the ugly costumes. that was my first thought of this movie anyway although I haven't watched it.

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  14. So, what are u gonna do if I use my genuine Google account? Block me?Stalk n harm me? Fuck off loser. Go do something that you're actually good at, because your reveiws and write ups are total rubbish. And I don't see the point of writting proper english, and so what if I spelt "typical" wrongly and use slangs? I'm not writting a formal letter to a President. Just writting to an idiot. People like u make Malaysians look like morons. I'm fortunate enough to have been here for a few years and known some intelligent ones. A last piece of advise, stop writting reviews. Your opinion is worse than shit, more like a rotting corpse. Your comments are irrelevant and your point of view is full of shit. Peace out, asshole :)

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  15. Wow, you actually came back here to check if I replied. And it sounds like you've been reading my reviews for awhile now. Thanks for the traffic and thanks for being a such a loyal but stubborn reader. I'm sorry that you had to suffer the ugly truth after enjoying the mediocre productions. I would've been as pissed off and embarrassed too if I was you. Especially if your friends share and agree to my reviews on social medias. =)

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  16. thankss i will never go and watch it

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  17. I am actually liking the comments more than ur review now, Tony :D

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  18. Very slow pacing for an action movie, a nonsense story. Only Zues is the sole God survivor after battling over so called Titan's?..Whats that?
    Also some of the fighting scene reminded me of pro-wrestling antics. Not a good movie.

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