G.I. Joe: Retaliation | Movie review

G.I. Joe Retaliation 2013 film large movie poster
Release date in Malaysia: 28 March 2013 
Rated: P13 
Genre: Action 
Running Time: 110 minutes 
Director: Jon M. Chu 
Cast: D. J. Cotrona, Byung-hun Lee, Adrianne Palicki, Ray Park, Jonathan Pryce, RZA, Ray Stevenson, Channing Tatum, with Bruce Willis and Dwayne Johnson 

Synopsis: "In this sequel, the G.I. Joes are not only fighting their mortal enemy Cobra; they are forced to contend with threats from within the government that jeopardize their very existence. The film stars D.J. Cotrona, Byung-hun Lee, Adrianne Palicki, Ray Park, Jonathan Pryce, Ray Stevenson, Channing Tatum with Bruce Willis and Dwayne Johnson. Directed by Jon M. Chu, and produced by Lorenzo di Bonaventura and Brian Goldner, from a screenplay by Rhett Reese & Paul Wernick based on Hasbro’s G.I. Joe® characters" (UIP)


Verdict: And Hollywood continues to rape our childhood as though the first film wasn't bad enough! This time featuring none other than the director of the Justin Bieber and Step Up movies. G.I Joe: Retaliation is like a Mission: Impossible film with the plot and screenplay by the writers of Power Rangers, but with big budget for the cast, effects and marketing. The action sequences are nothing spectacular either. Try as you may to not pay attention to the details but the flaws are just too noticeable. The 9-month delay of film's release is now understood - they wanted it to be released with all the other mediocre post-Oscar rubbish, where it rightfully belongs.

Second opinion: "Quite bad, I didn't like it, but the Korean guy's so hot" (Iris Loong).

To watch in 3D? No, the effects aren't significant enough to make the film any better. Besides, the glasses provided at most cinemas in Malaysia are in bad shape, why pay more for the discomfort?

Rating: 0.5 / 5



[SPOILER SECTION BEGINS HERE]

The whole movie in a paragraph: The bad guys impersonate the president and frames the G.I. Joe's for stealing nuclear warheads. Incompetent American military eliminates the entire G.I. Joe team except The Rock, the only chick in the team and a minor character. The leader of the bad guys (Cobra Commander) escapes thanks to the help of the Korean white ninja (Storm Shadow) who later allies with the good guys just because K-pop is popular now. So to please these Korean fans, I suppose, he's turned into a good guy by some forceful subplot (it can't get any dumber, seriously). In the end, the good guys win, explosions, walk away in slow motion, leader of bad guys escapes, medal of honour presentation for the G.I. Joe's, facepalm from me. This film could've been an Austin Powers sequel instead.

The most contradicting lines: "Snake Eyes is the only person I can trust." "Stoop's like family, I can trust him." "There's another person I can trust (Joe Colton)." All said by Roadblock (Dwayne Johnson) in the film.

The silliest high-tech gadget featured: The iron-melting gloves to cut fences. Why not just design it in the form of a blade instead of a pair of motorcycle gloves? They've never burnt their hands before?

Channing Tatum's role: Apparently they utilised the delay of the film's release to reshoot scenes of Tatum's character (Duke) to strengthen his relationship with Roadblock in the story. Emotional engagement: still zero. I was actually laughing when he dies early in the movie, but mainly 'cause I've just seen Side Effects...

channing tatum duke g.i. joe meme

[SPOILER SECTION ENDS HERE]

10 comments:
  1. i thought Storm Shadow will die in this movie but turned out he joins Joe. Wth... i think roadblock's finger is coated with some cooling gel to prevent his hand from getting burnt. They have just invented a small laser pen thingy to cut the metal grills instead of the cool looking gloves. LOL

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  2. 0.5? :O
    I'm looking forward to watching this anyway. :P

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  3. omg! 0.5 only? i have a high expectation on this movie after watch the first episode~ T.T

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  4. Back to watching Wicked witches

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  5. A movie that focuses too much on the action and plot seemed a bit half assed. Boring. But you definitely hit the spot on Roadblock's contradicting lines over and over again

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  6. Oh I will give this a miss!

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  7. I like your one paragraph story. hahahah
    I'll go and watch if it's free. (which probably won't be the case) hahahah...

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  8. aww man!!! i thought this movie is nice. Anyway, Oympus has fallen is good!!! =)

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  9. I love the ending. As the front part kinda boring :P

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